Ughhhh.

she says: are you going to get into a relationship with him? i think you should. i think it'll be good for you.


i say: fuck that. i dont want a relationship.


she says: but you like him, you cant deny it. you got jealous - you know what that means.


i say: okay fine. but it doesnt mattter. nothing matters. its all bullshit. everything is bullshit.


she says: well then stop seeing him.


i say: maybe i will.


but really...
..... ... ... .. . .
i wont. i wont and i will carry on until the week before i leave. i like it too much.
and then...whether i call it something or not...it will be hard.
im a masochist - what else would i do? avoid pain? hell no.


ride it out. enjoy the ride.
even when you know its going to end, you still wait in line for it.