push/\pull

if only you could be back here. 

just

be

here. 

then it would be the same as it was before. 

it would

go.

back.

to the same as it was before. 

the same as i thought it was. 

the same as i believed it was. 

i 

believed 

it 

was. 

it was. 

it was. 

it really

really 

was. 

i paint my nails 

i think of you

i cut my bangs

i think of you

you. 

you. 

YOU are the one who pushed. 

you pushed. 

and i pulled. 

and you pushed. 

and i pulled. 

and you PUSHED. 

until there was 

nothing

left 

for me 

to pull. 

so i pushed. 

and you pulled. 

and i pushed

and you pulled 

until 

i 

couldn't 

push 

anymore

or 

      at all. 

i cry. 

i dont know where the tears come from anymore. 

i cant explain them. 

but i can taste them. 

salty

and 

full 

of 

woe. 

why cant you just come back here?

you say you want to do this. 

so. 

SO. 

do this. 

do it. 

DO it. 

i cant pretend to live with you

when i 

                live without you. 

i cant bear to live without you 

and pretend

                to live with you. 

come 

or 

go

stay 

or 

leave

but

the spaces in between those words do not exist. 

i cannot exist in between spaces. 

or 

ill

suffocate. 

i need to breathe. 

either give me the air i need 

or let me find it on my own. 

but 

dont choke me. 

because my throat is sore.